Unlikely Aristotle

Then and Now

May 31, 2011
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It’s been over one year since I last posted anything in this poor, neglected blog. I feel bad. Im looking back at my review of Kiran Desai’s book, thinking of all the many, many books I have read since, the many world events that have unfolded before our tv screens and in the streets (most of it over the past couple of months actually). I have a surprisingly large number of conflicting feelings about this blog, but the one thought that pops out so vividly amongst the rest is that: how different was the world then, including myself?

Let me recap all the major events that have happened on the global arena:

A revolution was sparked in Tunisia, started by a brave young man. I barely blinked, and the president of Tunisia fled the country. Shock, awe and euphoria began to take hold of the Arab world. The intoxication of freedom propelled the people of Egypt to rise up against the only president most of the people have ever known, Hosni Mubarak. I was in awe of these brave and idealistic people, but battled the dark cynicism that reigns over the mind of every Arab in the world, that wicked little voice that tells us that nothing ever really changes, it’s all sound and fury, signifying nothing. I’m very proud indeed to say that I was proved so very wrong by not only the Egyptians, but by the heroes of Libya, Morocco, Syria, Bahrain, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Oman, Kuwait, Jordan, Ivory Coast, Nigeria, Spain, Serbia, the Czech republic, France, even the football community is rising up against Sepp Blatter! Am I missing any other country? I probably am, there’s just been too many to count.

Of course, we should be wary of lumping together protestors into one group. The demands of the Libyan people differ from those of Ivorians, and even within each country, different political groups may express different demands. Yet they all have one thing in common: they’ve all realized that it’s the power of protest and the value of freedom, the struggle for some very intangible demands (dignity, self-determination), mixed up with some very tangible needs (better job prospects, less corruption, fair wages) is all worth fighting for. In any case, it’s a massive wake up call for the entire world, and I’m sure the next year is going to be hailed as a pivotal moment in history.

What else has happened in the world?

The BP oil spill: bad

Many, many, many natural disasters have taken thousands of lives: horrible

Osama bin Laden was found by U.S. soldiers…. In Pakistan. What about all that stuff about him in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan? But then again this is what the world gets for having a U.S. President like Bush. What I really love about this story – aside from the fact that the world is finally rid of his big looming beard casting a shadow over the entire Arab and Muslim world – is how Hollywood it all sounds! Soldiers barging into a crumbling compound in the middle of a Pakistani town, finding the reclusive, fearsome terrorist who’s been their target for almost 10 years, (supposedly) shooting him in and three of his cronies in the head and then…. drumroll… uplifting orchestral swelling…. He is buried somewhere in the Arabian sea! I’m not skeptical about his death, just about who actually did the shooting. I watched an interview with one of his former bodyguards, who said that all the bodyguards of OBL were given strict orders to shoot him themselves if he ever gets caught. Sounds plausible to me, and it’s clear we’re not being told everything, so this is what I believe!

A coalition government in the UK has (I feel) drawn probably the greatest amount of criticism than any other government in recent history. Of course, maybe that was bound to happen, given the fact that liberal democrats and tories now have to learn to co-exist, this has shaken up the status quo considerably.

Spain won the World Cup! Oooooh I love love love you Spain!

A prince got married to his princess! It was a fairytale wedding, perfection in every single way. I’m glad it didn’t turn into anything political. It was a gorgeous, ornate, grand and beautifully royal wedding. I’m not a royalist or an abolitionist. I think the UK has struck a pretty good balance in their constitutional monarchy, and I would go so far as to say that I disagree with people who begrudge the royal family their public presence. They don’t get involved in politics, they’re just old school aristocrats, and most importantly: they are the best PR that the UK can offer to the world. How many millions of people flock to London to learn about all things Windsor? I’m sick and tired of Posh and Becks being the face of Britain to the outside world!

Israel has just been it’s usual a**hole self. No news there. Building settlements, arresting 7 year old kids for supposedly throwing rocks whilst they kill Syrians in their own land, Golan Heights (that’s right, it is SYRIAN LAND and no one is going to forget it) with impunity. Today many protests have erupted around the world voicing their resentment at the royal douchebaggery that is the israeli army. May all their weapons turn to dust in their hands! Don’t forget Mavi Marmara. Don’t forget Rachel Corrie.

Japan has suffered greatly from an explosion in nuclear power plants in Fukushima. I watched the death toll rise into the thousands. It’s not something I can easily wrap my head around.

Qatar won the bid for the 2022 FIFA World Cup!!! That makes me very happy and I hope it really does happen, because for goodness sake I think we need to have one positive thing to look forward to. I hope to God that the corruption allegations are not true (I don’t think there was anything shady, I read rave reviews about qatar’s presentation), because I WANT THIS SO BAD! And then I realize that I’m going to be in my mid-30s by the time 2022 rolls around, and my enthusiasm dampens slightly…

As for me?

I graduated from university! I am now a college graduate with a degree in law! The look on my mom’s face during the ceremony made the whole thing very very worth it.

I’m just about to complete my post-grad, but no grand ceremony here. You only get something grand once, and that’s if you successfully complete your UNDERGRADUATE course, no one cares about us post-grads! Still, it feels good to have done this.

I got a cat! I adore her more than words can say. All my friends mock her because apparently she looks like an alley cat and they think she has ugly blotchy fur, but I just adore that weird, weird thing. It’s her fault this post is taking me way longer than it should.

Im getting ready to leave the UK after calling it my home for 5 years. I’m getting ready for some serious heartbreak. Despite all the jokes I like to share about the quirks, contradictions and sometimes madness that is britishness, I have a deep affection and appreciation for British people that I think can only really come from living in their country. I’ve grown so attached to this place, I just don’t know how I’m going to adjust to being back under my mother’s rule!

————

So here is a list of all the main events, now memories, that have shaped my year…

Heartbreaks, euphoria, joyful occasions, ones which I could share with the world, and ones which would only please me. The wonderful benefit of hindsight tells me now that, had I calculated with nanoscopic precision the movements of the constellations gliding around us for the entire year, neither logic, nor chance nor a hunch could have possibly prepared me for the events that took place for this year. Every single one of them took be my surprise in varying degrees. I think of all the time I wasted planning, worrying, thinking about planning, trying not to worry, talking about my plans and talking about worrying… It was really all a waste. Well, in one sense it wasn’t; it taught me how to be confident in the fact that if I never worry, stress or over-plan for as long as I live, shit’ll keep happening. The world moves on.


Book of the Week: The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai

April 3, 2010
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It’s been an usually long amount of time since my last post, and if there was someone out there in the world waiting for my hater comments on Moby Dick or lovely woman of the subcontinent (I’m just jealous), then I am so sorry to have kept you waiting.

Speaking of lovely Indian women…*drumroll* Kiran Desai is stunning in more ways than one.

I completed her book about a week ago, and I could have reviewed the other book that I had read since then, but I wanted to make a point. The point that I wanted to make was that, I didn’t have to review it as soon as I put that book down. The characters and the imagery of the Nepalese region of India, where this story takes place, is still vivid in my mind.

The main story surrounds a handful of characters, but mainly the three living in Cho Oyu, a romantic, dilapidated mansion on top of a hill in the village of Kalimpong. The three are a reclusive former judge; his wanderlust-ful granddaughter Sai, and their poor cook.

When I realized that this book was going to take place in as picturesque and breathtaking an area as the Nepalese regions of India, I was weary at first, and then pleasantly surprised. Something I have grown tired of (in all honesty, and this is my own personal opinion, remember!) is authors who – naturally – write about their own nation, but describe it in such a decadent and dramatic way that I’m just like, Ok I get it, you love your freaking country, can we get to the story?

Again, you might disagree with me here, but I did get a hint of this with Salman Rushdie’s Midnight Children (although still a fantastic read) and Jung Chang’s Wild Swans (totally excusable in her case, though, given her larger than life relationship with her country). Well, I guess this tends to be an issue when a central theme of the book is the relationship (or lack of one) between the characters and their nation. Indian novelists, I feel, have in time mastered the art of depicting this relationship, one of which have been exemplified in this great book.

The book goes back and forth, across different times, and different continents, following Sai’s journey from her boarding school to finally reconnecting with her grandfather, following the journey of the son of the poor cook, Biju, who travels to America illegally, and his story is the story of the millions of immigrants who have left their homes in search for a better life, and all the fascinating contradictions that entail. All these stories are set against the backdrop of a growing tension with the Gorkha people, the Nepalese in India who have long since felt they were treated as second-class citizens.

What I really love about this story is how each character’s personal stories are told so effectively. At times it seems like a miracle that Desai didn’t devote 300-odd pages to each character’s story, rather than to such a colorful cast. In addition to this, while each character’s tale remained deeply personal, after reflection, I could understand that each one was a sort of ambassador of their kind, representing a different class of disillusionment within India: one is the young Indian boy who is weaned on colonialist Britain, a product of a very confused time, trains himself perpetually to shed his Indian roots and become the ideal: as close to a civilized Englishman as he can be. He succeeds beyond anyone’s wildest dreams, overcoming religion, caste, language, everything in order to ‘raise himself up’ above the rest. His disillusionment with the colonial system and with the way his whole life has turned out appears to be the story of millions, just as much as Biju the immigrants’ story.

Despite all the depictions of the harsh realities of their lives, the story is consistently humorous, touching, sensitive, and very tasteful. I love most of all the fact that it had not implied that immigration to America or England as being the ultimate dream that anyone could possibly ask for. In fact, to me it seemed quite the opposite, that she was disillusioned with the way in which many people yearned for the West.

I give this book two thumbs up! It was an entertaining, educating, touching book that left me thinking, and gave me the mixture of hope, fear, anger, and joy that any masterful author is capable of doing.


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On contradiction

September 8, 2009
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The universe thrives in its duality, and yet at the same time, many pantheists believe in the oneness of the universe, seeing God in everything. Contradiction? How can it be a oneness if it is many things? Because, to use a very poor analogy, if everything in a room is made of plastic, it is all plastic, even though it comes in different forms. This belief in singularity of the universe is also, in my convoluted mind, an extension of the dual nature of the universe. Because there is the infinite and there is the absolute zero. There is light and there is the absence of it (darkness is just a state of the absence of light). There is life and there is death. Chaos and order. Man and woman. Young and old. Earth and air. Air and water. Water and fire. Rich and poor.

I’m not surprised at all that many religions and old cultures have been enamored by the concept of opposites, of balance and of duality. There’s the inescapable symmetry that inspires poetry and deep thinking, there’s the sudden innately human (or should I say animal) urge to achieve that symmetry, and maintain it, that perfect, perpetual yin and yang. Of the religions I respect the most, I always look at their take on balance. It’s a true indication of how reasonable and ‘good’ this religion is (good being my completely subjective opinion). Yoga, derived from a Sanskrit (ancient Indian language) word, meaning ‘to unite’, evokes the balance between the body, the mind and the soul, as the practice places an emphasis on all of them.

Although I’ve mentioned that this duality inspires the poet in many, I find myself thinking that this is the natural state of the universe, that the only poetic thing about it is the way it sounds or looks. War and Peace, etc. There is actually nothing poetic in what it is. However, true poetry for me has always been irony, something I always look for, and it always comes up in spades everywhere I turn, you can’t help but find it. In this era that we live in, if you don’t learn to appreciate irony, you’ll probably end up a very bitter person.

Turn on the TV. I can bet you all the money in my bank account (you won’t be getting much, though), that on one channel you will see images of people dying. Or dead. This will either be the news or it will be some thrilling new forensics show. Change the channel, or wait till you get to the commercials. You will now see an advertisement for L’Oreal or Cliniques or whatever’s new ReGeneVive Eye Rejuvenation Serum (or some such handle) or Wrinkle Smoother or Collagen Plumper.

There’s a whole book on irony in those two clips right there. First of all, there’s the news, lamenting the inevitable deaths of hundreds (you lose track after a while) of souls who have lived and died to serve as tools for the powers that be, helping shift power from one greedy hand to another faster than a hot potato. These deaths exhibit speed: the speed in which they occur and that with which they are forgotten. People will click their tongues, shake their heads, shrug their shoulders, maybe someone might shed a tear. Then, there’s the ads. While other condemned hurtle off with violent speed towards their deaths, Andie McDowell and Eva Longoria prance off wrinkle-free towards hers, because they’re worth it. As though the latest skincare product will somehow erase, or even delay for one instant, the only certainty that exists in life; that it will end.

Then there’s the irony of choice. Capitalist-pushers enjoy parroting the mantra that in such a country you have choices in your life that other economic systems just don’t contain. But in a recent discussion about everybody’s sudden obligation to buy HD-compatible TV’s to fit in with the new satellite and cable requirements, I wonder what choice we are really being given. Sure, I mean you can choose between a Panasonic or a Sony HD, both exceedingly pricy, but you can no longer choose between an HD and the cheaper regular one. So while we are yet again enthralled by the choices we are given, we fail to notice the choices that are being denied us. Smoke and mirrors, all of it.

I always check myself to make sure I never end up sounding or becoming some kind of cracked conspiracy theorist. But I refuse to believe that we live in a world where the benevolent dictators that surround us are giving us any real and viable choice in the matter and quality of our lives. All you need to do is open up a statute books and see how your rights are being raped so that you can get the privileges you lust for.

I also usually check myself to make sure I never write in the second person, but I’ll make this one time an exception. Because you’re worth it.


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Book of the Week – 4:Play by Jess C Scott

September 5, 2009
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I’m writing this review as part of a Member Giveaway scheme at LibraryThing (links in the sidebar). They offer to send out books to willing members completely free in exchange for a review by the reader. If the idea of getting free books thrills you as it does me, you should head straight over to LT and get yourself signed up ASAP! I personally love the site, and check it every single day.

Let me start this review by giving you an idea of my history of this genre of books (erotica): none. I’ve never read an erotic story in my life, except for one a long time ago by Judith McNaught which I felt came pretty close to it. My desire to review this book came out of my willingness to try new things, especially things I tend to judge. Like I said before, y’all don’t know me, so I can go ahead and be truthful, that I do judge books and their authors by the amount of sexual content in them. Well, at least I did. I figured if there’s too much sexy stuff, then the author must be either getting too much or too little of it. Then one day I gave it some more thought and imagined myself writing a story about someone’s life. Unless I was writing about the Virgin Mary, there would be sex involved, or at least ‘scenes of a sexual nature’. It’s part of life, and people who still cringe from it should just get over it. I say this mostly to convince myself, because I imagine my few readers to be more enlightened than myself.

Anyways, back to the book. This is truly, as the author describes it, ‘a contemporary cocktail of short stories’. I started the book (it was an e-book) with a lot of expectations. I was going to expect them all to be very similar to each other, to use ugly language, and mundane characters. I don’t know why I thought this. Having read another book by the same author, called Eyeleash: A Blog Novel, I thoroughly enjoyed her style and should have expected this one to have characters just as well-cultivated and deep. But I didn’t. I was gladly set straight.

The experience of reading an erotic story is really interesting. What I was surprised at the most was how very different each one was. It wasn’t all just steamy one night stands or totally unrealistic lesbian encounters. The book encompassed the entire sexual spectrum from the mundane to the kind of gross to the kinky to the ‘alternative’ to the supernatural.

Another thing that surprised me was the erotic parts themselves. There were definitely a lot of incredibly steamy parts (doing it blindfolded sounds pretty hot), and yet many times I was pleasantly surprised by the gentle, even tender parts of the story, which complemented the raunchy scenes very appropriately.

There seems to be a recurring theme in Scott’s stories of South East Asia. Whether it’s a tattoo of chinese symbols, or a trip to Thailand, or a story which I think is about an Asian pop-star (I think Singapore?), there’s always the slightest element of it throughout each story. Something tells me this might have something to do with Scott’s own personal influences with the culture, maybe she has some Asian heritage, I’m not sure. I really liked this subtle personal touch. I like it when the author exposes some of their life in the book without making the heroine a complete carbon copy of herself.

The only real criticism I have about the book was the first short story. I thought it seemed like the raunchy, short version of her previous book (Eyeleash), and when I read it, I was disappointed that the whole premise, and even some of the dialogue seemed too similar to the one before. It didn’t bother me that much, though, because regardless of all the similarities, it was still pretty good for a story. Another one was when the word ‘schlong’ was used. I hate that word so much, I don’t know why. And I don’t mean any word referring to the same male organ, just that particular I find so incredibly offensive that I just flinched at the sight of it!

So, all in all, on LT I give this book 3.5 out of 5. This is my own personal rating, my own very biased opinion. The reason is because even though I liked the stories, the genre is not for me. I’m still glad I gave it a go, though, and if I could have picked any particular book out of the whole genre, I’m glad it was this one.


DEATH TO AUTOTUNE

September 3, 2009
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Once upon a time, Cher did her comeback. She asked us if we believed in life after love, and I believe it’s possible. But damn you, Cher, and your autotune! Is there life after THAT? First, of course, I thought it was just oh so terrible cool. I chirped along happily, thinking that it would be wonderful for all songs to have this wonderful feature (I was a kid who liked to say wonderful). I thought it could do no wrong. And then there was the Overkill.

Do you know what the word overdone means? More overhyped than Anna Nicole’s death, more overdone than Scarface’s most famous line, more over-sang than Happy Birthday. Autotune.

As I type this, I’m listening to Jay-Z’s Death of Autotune, which I recommend you listen to over here. I’m not the world’s greatest R&B music fan (well, whatever passes for r&b these days I usually do not like), but I like something with at least an ounce of truth or meaning. This has both, and the guy is talking about something which I’m actually invested in – eradicating the evil autotune once and for all!

Why, music world, why?? If you can’t sing, do you think that autotune will make you sound prettier? I’d respect you more flipping burgers than polluting the airwaves with this trash! All you Lil-GenericRappers, please for the love of God, or Bling, whichever you worship, instead of spending your dubiously earned cash on an autotune thingamajig, invest in singing classes, maybe enroll in some kind of job course or train to be a driving instructor maybe! Listen, IT’S NOT COOL ANYMORE. I DON’T THINK IT EVER WAS.

‘I know we facin’ a recession/but the music y’all making gonna make it the great depression…

This is death of autotune, moment of silence’ – Jay-Z

I’m not entirely comfortable speaking ghetto-ese, but I’m pretty sure that ‘Word’ would be the appropriate response to those lyrics.

Conclusion: I hate autotune. The next time I hear a track with autotune in it, I will organize a flash mob to run into the nearest FNAC, HMV or Virgin Megastore, to run into the store, create a bonfire right smack dab in the middle of the goddamn place, and set fire to these abominations of the music industry. You’ve been warned.


The whole world should vote on the next US President

August 29, 2009
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I was talking to a few people, who all had incredibly varying opinions on the past (and future) elections in the States. While the previous electoral circus was playing itself out, of course the papers and magazines were lined with webs and webs of intricately drawn graphs and charts, detailing every kind of statistic you can imagine on the current state. You had to try pretty damn hard not to be kept up to speed on everything.

I was an Obama supporter, but looking back, my reasoning seems shaky. I’m a person easily blown away by flowing rhetoric and grand speeches, so of course he seemed like a hero to me. Although people saw him as inexperienced and basically too young to take on this task, I felt his youth would be a positive thing; he was too young to be tainted by the dirtiness of politics; at least not that much. Also, I approved very much of his foreign policies, his willingness to open honest debates and negotiations with no ridiculous preconditions with countries like Palestine, etc.

One view I got from a lot of people, was that Obama was being too vague and shady about his foreign policies; there was a lot of talk about peace and getting along etc, but there were no firm plans that people could latch on to. That’s why some people I knew favored McCain, who had a much clearer idea of what he wanted to do with the Middle East: bomb it. Fair enough. I didn’t expect anything else  from him, it was completely predictable, especially considering the fact that he came from a military background himself; I would imagine that his first response to everything would be more fighting. Also, I know people say the fact that he withstood torture for 5 years in Vietnam was a thing worthy of being nominated, but I just can’t see the logic in that. FIVE YEARS of torture. That’s got to fuck with your brain. He should be honored greatly (although the war was pointless but I guess that doesn’t lessen his sacrifice) and maybe be given a position somewhere in the MOD – MAYBE. But hello? If I was tortured for five years and then given crazy power, even 30 years later… what would I do about it? I’d love to say that my bad experiences would motivate me to create peace and eradicate torture and other such practices around the world, but I’m not that beatific. Nor is 99% of the world.

Back to Obama. People said that one candidate was better than the other because of their foreign policies. I thought, why would the American people give a crap about what their government does to the rest of the world? Clearly, they don’t care. Well, maybe they do, but their government sure as hell don’t. For the past hundred years they have been involved in sanguinary wars around the world without pause. Despite the fact that this constant war-mongering is a gigantic drain on their resources, they continue to perpetuate this myth that armed forces are necessary to provide ‘democracy’.

Then someone else came up with a particularly intriguing  notion. “The American elections shouldn’t be eligible to Americans alone. The only way it would ever be democratic would be if the whole world could vote on the next US President.”

What an interesting theory! At first, my few paltry years of legal thinking caused every fiber of my being to expel this idea as unacceptable. Why should non-citizens vote for someone who is not going to preside over their own country? But then I did a double take. Is it truly just the way things are being done NOW? The whole world sat by for 8 years and watched in disbelief as Americans went and voted for the worst president in history not once, but twice (allegedly). The world sat by and tried to keep up with his crazy antics around the world. The world sat by as he drove his country deeper into ruin, thereby furthering the economic crisis around the rest of the world, an irreparable damage. America always prides itself as being the world’s superpower, so shouldn’t the world have a say in who’s next?

Many countries rely on America’s supremacy more than on their own government. Or, if argued that this is not the case, there is an undoubted effect, at best impactful and at most completely dominating. Is it fair, then, that the next president should be elected only by the American people, when the rest of the world suffers or benefits along with it?

I must say the idea of a global election intrigued me a great deal, and appealed to my more humanitarian side. This would be a utopian solution for sure, and for this reason alone it will probably never happen. I’ve never participated in an election before, but I would definitely vote in that case.


Sean Hannity is a damn fool

August 26, 2009
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Right off the bat, I’d like to state that I’m not American, nor am I any other weird political label people cling to religiously. Conservatives, liberals, democrats, green, purple, every single one of these parties are too broad in definition for anyone to devote themselves to entirely. For example, I think the state should be in charge of certain aspects of what is now public life, like health care, but I don’t see myself as a socialist. And if you see me that way, then you’re a damn fool just like Hannity! I agree with the death penalty but I’m not a conservative. I also approve of abortion, but I’m not a democrat. Maybe I just like death? That should be my political party!

Anyways, why is Hannity a fool? Well, this gossipmongering media-monkey, instead of discussing ‘the issues’, decides to critique Obama, not on his policies, but on his choice of condiments. Yes, that’s right, he thinks that because Obama decide to adorn his sandwich with some lashings of Dijon mustard, that this is a habit worthy of ridicule. YOU, my friend, are worthy of ridicule.

Seriously? What is it with some Americans and their inherent hatred or repulsion for the French? Is it their fabulous culture, their rich history, their incomparable contribution to the world of arts (in every form: visual, music, couture, etc), their exquisite gastronomic tendencies, their superior wine, their healthier government, the fact that their president is a total playboy and his people still love him, their happier population, their FREE healthcare? I know, I hate those dirty scum, too.

I’ll never get over the Freedom Fries bit, and I’ll never get over this.

Actually, I don’t hate the French or their government (for those of you who don’t process sarcasm). In fact, I lived there for quite a few years. I’ve also been to the States. Boy, was there a difference. But let’s not get into that, ’cause I’m pretty sure I could write a whole book about how much better France is than the States. And my socialist tastebuds fucking love Dijon.

Mr. Hannity, if you don’t like Obama, why don’t you just explain why without sounding like a complete ignoramus, like some sort of drop-out? Oh wait, that’s right, you are.

But let’s not blame this all on Hannity. This isn’t his fault. It’s the fault of the circus that is western media. The reason why this whole Dijon debacle even came up in the first place was because he thought it was newsworthy. In fact, he was right. That’s the sad thing. Like an organ grinding monkey, he hopped around and spewed out the same ridiculous tune, and his listeners, lapped it all up and his sponsors probably threw some more coins in his little cap (if he’s doing well enough then it might even be an Hermes hat… oooh did that hurt your feelings, H? Was that a spiteful thing to say?).

Now I know this little joke of a news piece aired ages ago, but it still bothers me till this day. It was the thing that got me thinking about how crazy the media has gotten. Every time I switch on an American or British or French television channel, it’s the same gaudy colors pulsing across the screen, the same shocker headlines, you would never know the world was actually changing at such an incredibly fast pace. The news looks so disconcertingly similar. Why? Do you value your audience so little? All of this is nothing more than a never-ending snuff film.

This is why if I would ever recommend a magazine to anyone, I would say that I recommend none. I know it’s hypocritical because I read them like crazy, but I have some kind of compulsion that makes me buy them even though I hate them. Like some kind of addiction. The bastards got to me, don’t let them get to you too! But if I had to recommend something, I would say Scientific American. Nerdy? Maybe, so. Although it does, many times, fall prey to marketing ploys and publish sensational covers, it’s probably the only thing worth your money, the only magazine that will actually teach you something new each time. It’ll help you restore your faith in mankind, and America as well. See, I don’t hate Americans at all. I have the utmost respect for what the folks over at MIT and Stanford and all their amazing institutions get up to, they make up for the rest of the population that is willing to succumb to their super-sized sugar induced coma, only rousing in time for the ‘Latest Breaking Shocking Fabulous Fantastic Never Heard Before Once In A Lifetime Historic News’.


Blogosphere’s Great Gift to Mankind

August 23, 2009
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I love the internet.

And do you know what I love about the internet?

Themed blogs. Do you want to know what kind of theme I love the most for said blogs?

Food.

Glorious, glorious food blogs.

God bless you, foodies, you bring much joy to my life. When I decide to deprive myself of food, a sacrifice to the temple that is my body, you are the ones who populate my heady hallucinations. When I am alone in my apartment with no cook to make me homemade foods that warm the heart and fill the belly, you make me feel like I’m back in my mother’s warm kitchen. You, foodies.

I like reading some blogs, but I don’t like reading articles about blogs. I find that so weird. It’s like when you buy a lipstick and you start talking about the tube it came in. Who the fuck cares? You like it? Oh, that’s good. You don’t like it? There are 10′s of millions, probably in the 100 millions now, of different ones to look at. If every blogger lived in one country, it would be more crowded than the United Kingdom.

Back to the foods.

Have you ever seen a hardcore foodie blog? I’m not talking about some hack taking phone pictures of their shitty attempt at spaghetti bolognese, and giving it some ‘unique’ name like Pasta a La Moi. Har har, motherfucker.

This is certified food pornography. I’m surprised at how good these cooks are at taking pictures too, by the way. Why is that, do you think? You know what? I don’t care, just keep them coming.

Here’s a list of my favorite food blogs, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

1. Ever tried something at a restaurant and died to recreate it’s magic at home? CopyKat will give you all the tools you need to get you started.

2. But maybe you’re tired of restaurant food. Maybe you want to eat the stuff that your grandma used to make for you. Not a problem, people, ’cause the lovely people of the Internet will also teach you How To Cook Like Your Grandmother, too.

3. I think this is one of the more well known food blogs. I love it, and I might actually use this one someday to make food with, believe it or not. The Pioneer Woman is great because she takes a ton of great pictures while cooking, more than the average food blog, I think, to give you a much better idea of what you should be doing. Very useful for nervous cooks like me.

4. Now this one, I’ll be honest with you, is not entirely to my taste. I’m not a great huge fan of this type of cooking, at least not for main meals. But I love love love the deserts. Old school cooking at it’s best.

5. You may have also stumbled across this site once upon a time. Most likely it will have been because of the awesome MEAT CAKE that this fabulous woman made. That’s right guys, a cake made out of red meat, frosted with mashed potatoes, and glazed with ketchup. Fucking awesome. My compliments to the wonderful chef at the Black Widow Bakery.

6. Ezra Pound Cake, I just want you to know, I think you’re amazing. One day, I hope you will legally adopt me. To celebrate, I would like a table full of your delectable looking Opera Cakes. I love you goodbye.

7. At the Noshery, you learn shit like how to make your own ice cream! Personally I always found this fascinating even though I know you can buy ice cream makers at any place that sells kitchen utensils. Still, she’s pretty amazing with her vittles.

8. The ultimate in food pornography, Food Porn Daily. Click. Drool. Repeat. That’s all.


Book(s) of the Week: The Twilight Saga (Stephenie Meyer)

August 22, 2009
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This is going to be a book review… and a confession. I always thought of myself as a ‘serious’ reader. I was just so damn arrogant all the time! After getting bored of Danielle Steel novels, my teen reading years were filled with this crazy theory. I thought that the only way I could ever appreciate true literature was to start from the beginning. I must read all the classics, like the classic classics, in order to be able to fathom stepping into modern literature. What’s wrong with me?

I spent most of my teen years reading Homer, Tolstoy, Bronte, Austen, Hawthorne, Shakespeare, the dreaded D.H. Lawrence, etc. The result? I can whizz through a more ‘modern’ book, because it’s not weighted down with five pages of descriptions of the maiden’s dress, or what not. I still love many classics, but thankfully, I soon got over this obsession with conquering the classics, and more interested in the 20th (and now the 21st) century works.

Still, I was arrogant. After having read the greats, would I deign to look at a Danielle Steel novel again? Who do these people think they are to come up against the giants of centuries past? I was SO DAMN ARROGANT.

So, I come home from college for the summer, and see that my sister has bought me a set of books as a present. That’s to be expected, most of my birthday presents were (saved me a ton of money, too!). However, the set was a collection of the Twilight series. I gaped at the offensive box in my room, trying to understand what went into my sister’s shaky train of thought as she came to this decision. My sister’s not as much a fan of books as I am, so I’m pretty sure she just picked out what seemed to be the most popular at the time. Fair enough.

Did I mention how arrogant I was? Damn arrogant. I refused to lower myself to that tweeny standard. I defied the black and red box in my room, going on to spend my summer with more modern classics: Harper Lee (finally!), Tolkien, Pynchon, Orhan Pamuk, and so on. All fun, all thought-provoking, all very grand and glorious.

And as my list of books started to dwindle down, I figured, why the hell not. I might as well read one of them to tell people how much it sucked and how painful it was to read.

I’m sure you can see where this is going.

So I read the first one, Twilight, finished it in a day.

Pfft, I thought, I think this Meyer chick gets paid by the adjective. Also, what a waste of trees! The pages had what felt like a two inch margin all around! Maybe I’ll read the second one too, you know, just to see if it sucks as suckily as the first sucky book.

So I read the second book, New Moon, finished it in two days.

Gaaaah, was my first thought, why is this Bella girl so maddening? I hate her to bits! She’s so obnoxious, so self-deprecating, she might as well be saying ‘PLEASE PITY ME’, it would be more honest! And glittering vampires? WTF! This is nauseating. You know what? I can’t take this anymore, I’m going to go read Moby Dick to get the proverbial bad taste out of my mouth.

In one week, I had read about 80 pages. FAIL.

Yeah, so maybe I’ll go read the third one, you know, so I can have more reasons to hate Bella Swan?

So I read the third book, Eclipse, finished it in two days.

Grrr… my inner voice was getting weaker. I had a mini identity crisis for the rest of the day. By the way, remember when I said my books were dwindling? I lied about that. I have no less than 30 other books waiting for me, and that’s just at home. Back in my apartment where I go to college, I’m pretty sure it’s over 50 unread little (and big) gems. And I was reading the Twilight series. What’s wrong with me? Am I regressing? Has my IQ decreased for enjoying the inane, asinine, ridonkulous musings of the world’s most FUCKING ANNOYING teenager?

No, I just like the books.

So I read the final book, Breaking Dawn, finished it in two days.

I liked it. I liked all of them! Don’t get me wrong, I still think Bella is the most annoying character in the history of liter- umm, the printed word. But, dammit, I still like those damn books. I’m secretly grateful to my sister for the gift. Secretly, because I’m too damn arrogant to admit that I like it! It’s like when I sometimes buy Happy Meals because it’s just so fun, but never mention it to anyone… yep I’ve done it. So that’s two confessions now.

I enjoy this treacly, pathetic excuse of a novel. It’s fun to read, and if another one happens to come out, damn it, I’m going out there to BUY it.

Ok, I believe in the power of three, so let me make one more confession.

I hate Moby Dick.

I’m still going to read it, though, because I never leave a book unfinished. But I wish so deeply that I never created this rule for myself. If there would be an exception, this would be it. Why does this guy feel the need to write a chapter about the importance of whales in history, a chapter about the greatness of the color white, a chapter about his version of the classification of whales… Ever heard of an editor, Melville?

I know, shock horror gasp, I don’t like the damn book. How could I be so treacherous? Turning away from the ‘great American novel’ and preferring Twilight? Well, it’s true guys. No one in my real life will ever know this about me, because I’m too chicken-shit to admit it in real life. I like the image I’ve built up for myself as some sort of book expert. Do you know what this would do to my cred? Well, my anonymous Internet Friends, now you know this about me, and though you will never know who I really am, you will know that somewhere in the world, floating around cyberspace, are the words of literary apostasy.

My guiltiest pleasure

My guiltiest pleasure


On Religion

August 21, 2009
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…..

MY GOD?

NO MY GOD!

NO GOD!

GODS?

NO GODS NO GOD!

MAYBE GOD?

NONONONO.

GOD*MONEY*GOD

HUH?

GOD*POWER*GOD

GOD!!!!

SCARED.

DEAD.


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